How to Procrastinate

I know how difficult it is for some people to get things done. But in this how to column, I will give you a step-by-step guide on how to procrastinate.

First we should look into why we would want to learn this trait. If you’re in high school and don’t know how then something is wrong. You’re one of those kids who turn that feature story in the morning it’s due, having already had it revised by your old English teacher, parents, and editor of the school newspaper.

Caution: If the above describes you, then you are over achieving and need to be more of a teenager.

The best way to begin the procrastination process is to get ride of the innate desire of being good. Forget that happy tingling feeling you get from turning your overdone assignment. In fact, forget the fresh stack of assignments folded in your binder waiting to be completed. Once you’ve mastered the fact that you aren’t willing to ever do the task you’re ready for the next step.

Find things to distract you. Often people dwindle away their time watching television. Great shows to get hooked on might be Heroes, The Office, or something completely pointless, Desperate Housewives. Beginning this habit can take time, be sure to set aside at least 2 hours a day for the new behavior.

Now you’re time is beginning to be filled up. That’s good: it means you’re another step closer to meeting the goal of procrastination. Here comes the fun part. Open the doors to everything you’ve ever wanted to do, but never felt you had time for. What used to happen on school nights was that you never went out to eat, because you were stuck at home doing homework. That life is in the past! Give in to the temptation it’s okay.

If you followed this plan correctly then you most likely have a different mindset. No longer will you ever have to face the pain of turning things in on time, or starting that project early to save room for even more homework.

Let me leave you with words of encouragement. This is a difficult habit to get in to, don’t give up. Keep following the steps and you will be a skilled procrastinator.